Good ol' Blogger

Hardly anyone reads this, so I can write about what I want. I never feel like I can talk/post/whatever about feeling sad or lonely or anything anywhere, even the forum. Everyone else does, but I always feel like I'm being annoying and everyone is reading it and thinking, "Why the hell is she posting that, it's so stupid!" Facebook's a no-no because I don't particularly like most of the people on there and don't really want to tell them how I'm feeling. Twitter is also a no-no, because people won't reply and then I'll feel even worse. The forum is generally a no-no, because I am incredibly conscious of whining too much and being irritating, despite the fact that people post that they're feeling sad all the time. When I do post and no-one responds that makes it even worse. And then I worry that I was being annoying by expecting people to respond. I don't feel I can write about being sad because I'm lonely and I want a boyfriend because the things other people are going through are so much more important. I'm not entirely sure I have anyone who I would talk to frankly and honestly. And even now, on my blog which no-one reads, I feel like I'm being annoying by worrying that I'm being annoying. And now I've made myself cry. Fuck. I've been fine for a month. ETA: Yup, it's definitely one of those "throw myself under a bus and see who's sad about it" moments. I say 'moment'. I think about that all the time. ETA2: I'm in the middle of a sneaky hate spiral, except everything that is annoying me is to do with myself, and I don't think it'll ever explode. Ha! I almost deleted that because I thought people will come along and think "This is nothing like a sneaky hate spiral, you stupid, ignorant, worthless piece of garbage" and be annoyed by it. Why do I do this to myself? ETA3: I've lost count of the dozens upon dozens of times I've typed out a post and then deleted the whole thing because I think people will hate me for it, even if it's something small and silly. Then I see other people posting the same kind of thing and getting a positive reaction and I think that even though we had the same thought my post would have been reviled where yours was applauded. I apologise, Reader. If there's anyone reading this. I bet you're annoyed, whoever you are. Annoyed by this pathetic little self-pitying whine worrying about being annoying. I hate myself so much. I bet that's annoyed you too. And that. I'm not even going to type out what I was just thinking. Fuck. FUCK. ETA4: I will not fucking cry. I have to be out of here in 5 minutes to go to Chemistry. And, of course, I don't want people to know how stupid and worthless I'm feeling. How stupid and worthless I am.