Goodness, I am a fool.

A happy fool, but a fool nonetheless.

*smacks self about the head*

Stop that, you insolent mind! Cease your witterings and desist this senseless train of thought!

I want to go home now.

I've had enough of university for this term.

Buhuhuhuhuh I still have a week left. :(

AAAAHHH CONFUSED FEELINGS

'Sup.

So, things have been happening. Not much, but they're there.

On Saturday I went to visit Grandma, which was lovely. I ordered the tickets online (The Trainline charged a £1 booking fee so I got them straight from the South-West Trains website. Yay, savings!), and went to pick them up from the station on Friday. I made sure I asked the woman at the desk where I'd have to go, because there were engineering works on the line and half of the journey would have to be by bus. I'm terrified of catching buses to or in places I don't know. With trains they tell you which stop is coming up. Buses... *shudder*. ANYWAY. I had to get up at 06:30 to leave at 06:55 to get the bus at 07:15 to get to the station for 07:33 to get the bus to Brockenhurst at 08:02 and get there at 08:33 to get the train to Wareham at 08:50 and get there at 09:43 *slumps*. On the way back I had to get a coach from Bournemouth, but by that time I was a replacement-bus-service-pro. I had a good day, though. We sat in the living room for a couple of hours and just chatted, then went out for a pub lunch and a short walk.

I got back to the Interchange and almost straight away had to go to Kate's for our pizza-and-maths session. The driver of the bus I got on, when turning onto Portswood Road, didn't turn his wheel soon enough, and got wedged behind an ambulance which was half-parked on the pavement with its hazard lights on and no-one in it. The driver sat there and honked his horn for a while, and the bus was sticking out into the middle of the junction, so was blocking up all the cars which wanted to turn right behind it. A few cars who wanted to go down the street the bus was blocking up started honking their horns, which really didn't help. After about 10 minutes a woman from the pub on the corner came out and stood in the middle of the junction to stop the traffic so the bus driver could reverse and try again.

Finally got to Gateley, and Kate, Becca, Ross and Mat were already there. We did about 10 minutes of Maths, 15 minutes deciding how we were going to sort out the pizzas, 5 minutes trying to order them on Mat's temperamental phone, then half an hour going to collect them. Not much Maths got done, unsuprisingly. After that we went back to South Hill because Ross and Becca were going out with their flats and invited us along. Me, Kate and Mat felt hugely out of place because everyone else knew each other and were getting drunk, but we had no alcohol with us. We ended up making a little man out of bottle foil and telling stupid jokes to one another.

When we had to leave, me, Kate, Mat and Becca decided we weren't going to go to Jesters (a competitor for the Skankiest Club In Europe) so went back to Kate's and watched a movie instead. Unfortunately, Kate only has mostly horror movies, which wasn't great. We ended up watching Severance, which was supposed to be a comedy horror. It was funny in places, but that was kind of ruined by the fact that I spent most of it hugging my knees and covering my eyes and ears. I do not cope well with horror movies. Gore is usually fine, but all the stalking through the forest and chases and URGH.

Sweet thing: on the way down Glen Eyre Road, Kate, Becca and I ended up talking about boys and how none of us have ever had a boyfriend. Mat was very taken aback and formally apologised for his gender. N'awww. He's almost painfully gentlemanly sometimes.

After the movie, at about 01:30, Becca, Mat and I walked back to Highfield Halls. Me and Becca were dressed for going out, so we were freezing. It was really foggy too, which made it very eerie. We got a taxi from Highfield back to South Hill after dropping Mat off. I went on G+ for about half an hour, so went to bed at about 03:00.

I then had to get up at 09:00 for my last 3 diving lectures. Luckily they only took 3 hours this time, not like the 6 hours for 4 lectures last time. Sat next to Doug again, only we didn't have a lunch break to talk in this time... After that I came home and vegged about for a while. I was going to do my washing, but I didn't have any change. I'm not sure if I did any work. I can't remember. At 19:30 I met Becca to go down to the Union to meet Mat and Tania to see Captain America. My goodness, that film is hilarious. Ahhh.

Not much happened today. Went to Maths (on the way I asked Kathryn if she wanted to live with me and Kate next year [we decided we were going to live together on Saturday] and she said yes), went to the Café, went to the tutorial, went home, did Maths. In the Café I was talking quietly with Kate about whether we should ask Mat if he wants to live with us, because he'd been saying that he has no idea what he's doing next year, and she said she didn't know if he'd want to and it might be a bit weird. I did agree with her, but I'm not entirely sure why. Ah well. She's asked two geologists, Ed (who I don't know) and Lizzie (who I kind of know), too. Lizzie said yes, Ed is a maybe. We shall see!

Had a lovely Kempo session today. Very relaxed, mostly just focusing on stretching and flexibility. For the last 15 minutes we gave each other special Kempo massages, and a few times people poked their heads in the door and looked at us strangely. Went to the pub afterwards and got given little tasters of this delicious cider - Rekorderlig Winter Cider. I got a bottle. I may have to buy it regularly from now on.

A good and bad weekend

Saturday was really good. I got up at noon, and spent the day cleaning my room and finishing my presentation. I had the window, curtains and door open, and felt very alert. At 5:30pm I met Kate, Rob and Christina and we went over to Ross's flat to do Maths with him and Becca. We went through the worksheet (in for tomorrow) and made sure all our answers were the same, and we all knew how each other had got there. It was really useful, and we all explained things to people if they didn't get them.

Today was less good. I went to Kempo, but I didn't get up soon enough to have breakfast so I just had a packet of Hula Hoops (which was NOT a good idea). I had to sit out twice, feeling ill, and the second time I was actually sick. I had to run out to find a bin. Emma came with me and was very sympathetic, but it was so embarrassing. I'm the only one who has to sit out for a bit at least once every session because they're so unfit. On the upside, Frida and I made a very good two-technique combination to show to everyone, and the last hour in the judo room was fun, but then I had to come home instead of go to The Crown and work on the stupid library orientation programme (which didn't make much sense). Skyped with Mum and Dad, which was nice. Did the washing. Ate ravioli. Went to choir. We were doing carols, which were great, but I won't be able to sing the descants because I think SUSingers are of the opinion that only sopranos can do the descants. Ah well. There's always Midnight Mass.

Finally!

Just to start off, I will let any readers know that I'm feeling a lot better:
I'm feeling a lot better.

ANYWAY, we finally started our diving lectures on Saturday. The training packs were £32 and contain The Diving Manual, our course notes, our qualification record, and various VERY IMPORTANT pieces of paper. I got to the building 20 minutes before it was supposed to start (I got bored hanging around in my room), and couldn't get in. Denise arrived on her bike and told me that all the university buildings are locked at the weekend so no-one other than the security guys can get in, but she said it like I should have already known this for my whole life (An exaggeration? Perhaps.), so that made me feel quite stupid. She went off to get the training packs from SUSU, so I stayed upstairs to let people in.

Twelve people turned up, so we went down to the lecture theatre, which was locked. Typical. We waited outside for a security person to come and unlock it for us, and while we waited, Steve Pooley, who was doing our lectures, went through our training packs with us - stressing that the VERY IMPORTANT pieces of paper were VERY IMPORTANT. We eventually were let in to the L/T. I sat next to Doug for the duration, which was lovely. I rather like him.

The lectures were very interesting, and quite straightforward, but they were SO LONG. We started at 10am and finished at 4pm. Steve brought in all the kit so we could have a look at it, and he made us go through each piece of equipment and tell him as much as we could about it. He also got us to test the oxygen content of a Nitrox cylinder.

After that, I raced home, grabbed my popcorn, and went to Kathryn's! We spent 8 hours watching Supernatural, which was awesome. We both agreed that Jensen Ackles is rather nice... We got a curry from a takeaway, but had to walk a while to meet the delivery guy because he couldn't find Glen Eyre! We ordered online, and saw a king prawn tikka massala for £98.50.

On Sunday I just could not get out of bed, so I missed Kempo. I spent the day trying to work and doing my washing and speaking to Mum and Dad and other various things. Choir was good, apart from the fact that we're singing The Lamb, which is the worst choral song EVER. I hate it with the burning passion of a thousand fiery suns.

Yesterday was mostly fine. I got quite a bit done on my presentation, which was good. I went to Kempo to make up for not going on Sunday, and got horribly frustrated with myself because there is one technique, gyaku gote, that I just CANNOT GET, no matter how many times the seniors show me how to do it or how many times I have a go at doing it myself. Min and Charley were very sympathetic, but it was one of those frustrations that makes you tear up a little bit at how frustrating it is. Emma said this particular technique has made her cry from frustration before.

Today was wonderful. Between Maths and Chemistry me, Kate, Becca, Christina, Ross, Rob and Matt went to Kate's flat for an hour and a half. I had so much fun. I did feel bad about Kathryn not feeling like she could come with us, but to be honest I've been getting a tiny bit annoyed with the fact that she doesn't try to speak to people. Ah well.

I'm speaking to my tutor tomorrow about changing course. I went to Student Services yesterday, to ask about the procedure and how best to approach my tutor, and they were singularly unhelpful. I need to make sure that he understands it's because I feel the French is taking over my whole course, and I really want to focus on the Oceanography; not just that I hate the French.

Good ol' Blogger

Hardly anyone reads this, so I can write about what I want. I never feel like I can talk/post/whatever about feeling sad or lonely or anything anywhere, even the forum. Everyone else does, but I always feel like I'm being annoying and everyone is reading it and thinking, "Why the hell is she posting that, it's so stupid!" Facebook's a no-no because I don't particularly like most of the people on there and don't really want to tell them how I'm feeling. Twitter is also a no-no, because people won't reply and then I'll feel even worse. The forum is generally a no-no, because I am incredibly conscious of whining too much and being irritating, despite the fact that people post that they're feeling sad all the time. When I do post and no-one responds that makes it even worse. And then I worry that I was being annoying by expecting people to respond. I don't feel I can write about being sad because I'm lonely and I want a boyfriend because the things other people are going through are so much more important. I'm not entirely sure I have anyone who I would talk to frankly and honestly. And even now, on my blog which no-one reads, I feel like I'm being annoying by worrying that I'm being annoying. And now I've made myself cry. Fuck. I've been fine for a month. ETA: Yup, it's definitely one of those "throw myself under a bus and see who's sad about it" moments. I say 'moment'. I think about that all the time. ETA2: I'm in the middle of a sneaky hate spiral, except everything that is annoying me is to do with myself, and I don't think it'll ever explode. Ha! I almost deleted that because I thought people will come along and think "This is nothing like a sneaky hate spiral, you stupid, ignorant, worthless piece of garbage" and be annoyed by it. Why do I do this to myself? ETA3: I've lost count of the dozens upon dozens of times I've typed out a post and then deleted the whole thing because I think people will hate me for it, even if it's something small and silly. Then I see other people posting the same kind of thing and getting a positive reaction and I think that even though we had the same thought my post would have been reviled where yours was applauded. I apologise, Reader. If there's anyone reading this. I bet you're annoyed, whoever you are. Annoyed by this pathetic little self-pitying whine worrying about being annoying. I hate myself so much. I bet that's annoyed you too. And that. I'm not even going to type out what I was just thinking. Fuck. FUCK. ETA4: I will not fucking cry. I have to be out of here in 5 minutes to go to Chemistry. And, of course, I don't want people to know how stupid and worthless I'm feeling. How stupid and worthless I am.

Not a great day

I resolved today that I would go to the library and blast through all the work I have to do. I took my laptop with me so I could actually start this friggin' presentation and do this week's library orientation task and my French work, but I FORGOT THE FUCKING CHARGER. My laptop battery is awful and doesn't last long enough to do anything worthwhile. That was incredibly irritating. Then I was feeling generally horrible and like the world is conspiring against me. Then I went to get chocolate and it was raining. It rained the whole time I was walking home. After I got home, I was momentarily cheered by finally finding a topic for my presentation, but now I feel like no-one can see me. Hopefully 4 hours of anime will cheer me up.

I sent a letter to Charlotte yesterday which included a very long self-pitying rant about how no boy will ever find me attractive or want to spend time with me. That didn't particularly help, but oh well. I don't tell people that, generally, and she'd been complaining about Callum (with good reason, though), so I just thought, "Fuck it, I want to complain about boys. I never get that chance."

Goodness.

I'm in one of those "nobody will ever love me because I'm fat and ugly and annoying and never say the right thing and always come off as an irritation that people are glad to see the back of" moods. It's mostly about boys and never-going-to-get-a-boyfriend-ever. Guh. Whine whine whinge moan.

Good day?

I've had a good day, but now I just feel like I don't want to do anything. I have choir now, and I really need to go and get my sheet music, but I'm really tired and just cannot be bothered. I will go, though. I have to.

Kempo was great today. I did have to get myself up for 10am on a Sunday, but it's good discipline, I suppose. It was a three-hour training session, with more emphasis on the philosophy of Kempo and (this week) getting our footwork perfect. I was often paired with black belts, so I was pretty awful compared to them, but I thought I learned something. At one point we had 10 minutes to come up with a short demonstration of one of the 5 opportunities to take someone down that we had learned. I did mine with Niamh, who is absolutely lovely, and I did the talking when we demonstrated it, and was the only junior to do so, so I was quite proud of that.

After training we went to The Crown Inn for lunch. They have a table booked there every Sunday lunchtime. I hadn't been before, so Owen and Natalie were telling me that I HAD to get a Crown Inn Burger with bacon and cheese, which I did. It was only £5.80, and was delicious. We stayed there for a couple of hours, then I went back to the Union and bought a PAU card (basically insurance for getting to and from choir rehearsals and during concerts), then went to Sainsbury's and spent all my money. Came home, had a shower, did the washing, and now I can't be bothered to eat or go on the forum or go to choir (though I will) or do anything.

Kitchen's lookin' better

We have a new cooker! And the extra freezer is gone! Hurrah!

The kitchen looks a lot bigger and clearer now, and the new oven is actually kinda snazzy. This evening I cooked myself bacon, baked beans and fried potato (SO HEALTHY), because I'd had them all for perhaps too long (the beans were leftovers in the fridge), only I defrosted the bacon too much and had to cook all of it, and since my potatoes were going soft I chopped up four of them, so I had a massive dinner. I'm not going to need to eat for a few days, I suspect.

Today, today... Today I had Maths, Maths, free hour, Maths, then I went to the library for 3 hours and did as much work as possible. Which still wasn't as much as I could have done. Ah well. At least I got started on looking for a topic for my presentation (it has to be on a "current marine issue"), and I did a lot of revision for Biogeochemistry.

So, what do I have to do?
Maths worksheet - 31/10
presentation - 14/11
750-word Critical Review of my language learning - 28/10
library orientation programme - 25/11
various French work - 28/10
Biogeochemistry revision - 3/11
probably other things I've forgotten - TOMORROW, TODAY, THREE DAYS AGO

ETA: Gosh and darn it, I've just been given more. Maths coursework - 12/12

ETA2: I now also have to complete a declaration and quiz about academic integrity - 25/11

I've just finished talking with Amy, Laura and Georgie (who is in Liverpool for a bit) on Skype. They were dying Laura's hair blonde. I miss them! They were the people who I knew I really would miss. *sadface*

Kempo training

I feel a LOT better today after training than I did last time I went [see description of panic attack in previous post!]. I think it was that I wasn't the only not-very-fit female complete beginner there this time. Me and this girl, who was lovely (though I forgot to ask her name), were partners quite a few times, and we were about the same fitness level and both weren't very good at holding the descriptions of moves in our heads, so it was quite funny at times. I was partnered with a green belt girl a few times, who was also really nice and didn't make me feel like I was completely stupid for not being able to get the moves.

I really am bad at Kempo, though. I know I'm just a beginner and shouldn't expect to get everything first time, but it feels like I'm the only person who the seniors have to correct ALL THE TIME. It's so embarrassing, and I do really try to improve my stance or my punching or whatever we're doing, but I'm just awful.

Guh.

So!

I'm in university now! Shock horror... I suppose I'd better tell my rabid readers (in this context, "rabid" means "nonexistent") what's been going on.

Well, I left the island on the 23rd of September. Dad and I caught the boat to Heysham with the car full to the brim with my stuff, plus Mum and Dad's suitcases for going to Menorca after they dropped me off and saw Grandma. Boat journey: uneventful. Most of the drive to Sue's: uneventful. Dad took the wrong motorway at one point, which he was most surprised about ("I have never done that before! How odd!"), but I navigated us back to the right one, so that wasn't too bad.

The next day we picked up Mum from the airport, then went to buy out IKEA. SO MUCH STUFF. Mum would keep picking up things and saying, "This would be useful.", and I would have to keep reminding her that I only had one room and limited kitchen-cupboard space to store all this crap.After IKEA has yielded its treasures to us, we went home, and me and Mum ventured out from there to a giant Tesco to set me up with food for the first couple of weeks. We also went into a small hardware shop to get a doorstop, and the man behind the counter was subtly but incredibly rude to my mum. Bastard.

I finally moved in on Saturday the 25th. We got there really early, because I didn't want to be the person who turns up late when everyone else in the flat has already become best friends with everyone else (I needn't have worried about this, for reasons you will discover later). So, I got there at 8:30am, which was the earliest you could move in. I went and got my keys, then Dad and I went to inspect my room.

My room is actually pretty decent for uni accommodation. It's quite big, and I have a large space in the middle (which has been covered with clothes and/or crockery pretty much since I arrived). I'm on the ground floor, so I don't have to go up millions of flights of stairs to get to it, which is good. I have a bedside desk with a drawer; four large shelves above a spacious desk; an ensuite bathroom with a shower (off the floor!), loo, sink and mirror; large wardrobe with lots of storage space.

The kitchen is okay. I'm sharing with five other people so we have one main oven, one top oven/grill, one microwave, one fridge, one freezer, one hob with four rings, and one sink. In the first two weeks, both our freezer and top oven broke (a flatmate came home drunk and left the freezer open, so it defrosted and wouldn't refreeze; and the knob for the top oven just kept turning round and round without turning the oven off, so that was a bit worrying), so now we have two freezers, and an extra little microwave-looking oven with two hob-rings on the top of it. The other day the new freezer broke and no-one noticed until I went in to get something and found that everything was defrosting. We managed to save most of our food, though.

Back to the sharing with five other people: there's me, Bonnie, Ruffy, Ali, Akbar, and Dom. Bonnie is doing Geophysics, and is absolutely lovely - we get on really well. Ruffy is also lovely, but doesn't come out of her room much. She's doing Maths and Actuarial Science, and is from Zimbabwe. She says she wants to cook us some traditional "Zim" food soon. Ali is doing Physics and is from Iran. He's nice; also doesn't come out of his room much, though I hear him through the wall talking to people on Skype quite a lot. We hardly ever see Akbar - he's either out with his friends or in his room with his girlfriend. He's doing Medicine. Dom is nice, but not particularly considerate. One night this week he woke me up at 3:30am with obnoxiously loud FIFA games and obnoxiously loud friends, and also left bacon fat all over the hob when he came home drunk and cooked bacon, and also was the flatmate who left the freezer open all night. Ah well. He's doing some kind of IT course - I can't remember the exact one.

I've joined quite a few societies: a martial art called Shorinji Kempo which will hopefully get me fitter, and improve my self-defense skills immensely; SUSAC, the university dive club - I'm doing my BSAC Ocean Diver training with them, and start my theory lectures this weekend; the Southampton Anime and Manga Society, which is AWESOME. I've met loads of people I really like there, and the anime they're showing at the moment is wonderful; and SUSingers, one of the choirs, who seem lovely.

My lectures have been going okay. I have a Maths lecture from 9am to 11am on Monday, then a Maths tutorial at 1pm. For three of the weeks this semester I have a tutorial down at the NOC from 5pm to 6pm. I originally had French from 11am to 12am and 3pm to 5pm on a Monday, but it was impossible to get from Highfield Campus to Avenue and back again in time, and I wouldn't have been able to go to my tutorials at all. So, I went to the timetable people and got them to change it, so now I have French from 1pm to 2pm and 3pm to 5pm on a Friday (plus for three of the weeks I have a lecture on how to learn languages effectively from 2pm to 3pm, making it four hours of French on a Friday afternoon some weeks!). Tuesday, I have Maths again, then "Introduction to Biogeochemistry" for two hours. Wednesday - completely free! From time to time I'll have a random thing on in the morning, but generally I have nothing. I like Wednesdays. Thursday, I have two hours of "Ocean and Earth System" and a three-hour chemistry workshop (though we're allowed to leave whenever we want, so I generally go after about 40 minutes). Friday, I have OES again for two hours, then all that French. Our lecturer for OES is hilarious - he's very witty, and also loathes George Bush and Rick Perry, and will take any possible opportunity to slip digs at them into the lecture.

I was quite homesick for the first three weeks. I cried alone in my room quite a lot, which sounds pretty pathetic, but was actually really horrible. I also had a panic attack at one point, which wasn't nice. I had been to Kempo training, so was out of breath from that, then I found out that I have a 5%-of-my-marks listening test on the last Friday of the term, which I will be MISSING. I had alreayd booked my flight home before my timetable changed, and because I was finishing at 1pm I booked it for 2:50pm. I got very panicky about missing it, even though rationally I knew that I would just be able to explain to my teacher what the situation was and ask to be put into another class for that week. Then I was missing home, and I started hyperventilating and couldn't stop. That was really scary. It went on for about half an hour, with  me trying various techniques to calm myself down that would work for a couple of minutes but then fail utterly.

I hardly got drunk at all in Freshers' Week, which is most unusual for a student, I believe. I went out once with a bunch of people - Dom wedged the door to our flat open, put his speakers on full blast, and waited for people to turn up. We all sat in our kitchen for a while, pre-drinking (I drank an entire bottle of wine by myself), then headed to town to go to a club called Orange Rooms which most of us had tickets for. We waited in line for about half an hour, only to be told that it was extremely unlikely we were going to get in before it closed. We wandered the streets until we found a grotty pub called Clowns, where we sat for a few hours playing drinking games. We then got taxis back to halls and went upstairs to someone's flat. Me, Bonnie and this girl called Cate dragged the mattress from their empty room into the kitchen. I felt awful the next day.

I met a girl called Kathryn doing Marine Biology who's lovely. We have most of the same lectures so we walk down to the campus together every day. Me, Kathryn and Bonnie seem to have formed a little group; we went to the cinema together to see X-Men: First Class which was great. I've also met Tania, Ruth and Maria through SAMS, and they're awesome, Tania especially. I'm hoping the boys I met from SUSAC will be nice, because I don't seem to have many male friends at the moment.

That's pretty much it so far.

No more secondary school. Ever.

I'm finished. It's done. Over. Ended. Closed. TERMINATED.

I'm very happy about it.

For my very favourite cowgirl...

Dear school,

Really? I mean, really? How the hell have you managed to survive this long, limping along like a stubborn and oblivious old goat? You're completely falling to pieces! How are you still going? It's not just the building - though the Sixth Form Centre, with its gaps in the walls that lead straight outside, and which acts like a coolbox/thermos flask when the weather even slightly deviates towards either of those extremes, is definitely a problem - but also the people who lead you. In my time there we have had two headteachers: one who spent the vast majority of the budget on 'The Lozenge', a tiny strip of grass in the middle of what is basically a roundabout (and not the fun kind, either) that nobody uses; and one who gets overly agitated about sick days and university visits.

Take today, for example. How the hell did that happen? Before Easter, everything in the Sixth Form Centre was going great. Well, not everything, but we'll get to that in a minute. We got shiny new black carpet everywhere! That was unprecedented. Admittedly, it was only so that when people drop their chewing gum and tread it into the floor it won't show up, but we'll gloss over that. We got comfy new matching chairs! That was a bit of a fail, as they were three days late and four broke in the first day (plus they couldn't actually move over the carpet) but, you know, everyone makes mistakes. We were looking forward to having shiny new wooden tables when we got back from half-term! Everything would be wonderful, and we'd forget about the holes to the outside and the pro-sound-pollution walls for a while.

But no. Everything is shit. You've FUCKING LOST THE FUCKING TABLES. How does that happen? The shiny new black chairs are stacked up in front of one of the classroom doors, our group haven't even got our original tables back, there are coffee tables in boxes piled up along a wall, and since there are hardly any chairs everyone is standing up and making it EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to move around.

Also, you've moved the common room to a room in the Sixth Form Centre. I thought this was quite a good idea at first (selfishly), because then I wouldn't have to walk all the way downstairs to get my chocolate, but then I discover you haven't even brought them up. The whole point of being in Sixth Form is that we get privileges that the lower school don't. Okay, so it isn't the whole point, but it's the one that gets the most people back. Yes, I understand this is completely spoilt-sounding, but I'm a teenager. We are essentially selfish.

So, by moving the common room upstairs you have gained a file storage room and lost a form room and a classroom. A Year 13 tutor group is wandering around the Sixth Form Centre with no home to go to, and ALOT of classes have no idea where they're meant to go for their lessons. I mean, what? Where was the sense in that? I understand you want to keep an eye on the boys you (quite rightly) suspect of skiving General Studies (not to mention all their other lessons), but you could have done it better. I don't have a suggestion, but you could have done. So there.

Oh, such jealousy we felt when we visited another high school! A huge Sixth Form Centre! A spacious and clean common room, with windows! Up-to-date computers and a nice study area! Get yo' shit together.

And don't even get me started on how you've treated our year. We have missed out on everything. EVERYTHING. This is our last school year - the one that really matters - and you have quite royally fucked it up, if not for all of us, then for ALOT. For example, if we don't have a teacher for a day because they're ill, fine. We'll get on with whatever else we need to do. But if they're off for 4 WEEKS, then I think you'd probably be quite capable of finding us a substitute, or at least insisting that said teacher actually sets us some work. We don't know what we're supposed to be doing - that's what a teacher is for, to start us off and then we can go off and learn around it. Again, we're teenagers. You may think you're trusting us to be responsible and shit, but really? Come on.

TL;DR? I fucking hate you, school. You're shit. I can't wait to leave, and I can only hope you sort it out before those poor, unfortunate Year 12s take up the mantle of 'Most Ignored'.

Yours, Ellie

Jeez...

...that was a bit of an emo trip, wasn't it?

Aaaand it's continuing. Today was a day where everything anyone said irritated me. Hugely. I don't even know why.

I'm going to bed.

*goes off to dream angrily*

Oh, Optimism

'Your blog post published successfully!'

Why do you sound so happy, Blogger? Why are you so gleeful?

Ugh

I'm just going to post random shit here. No-one reads it anyway, so who would care?

So, yeah. I'm a worthless waste of space with no interesting opinions. Anything remotely entertaining that I can tell you is stuff that has happened to me. Not stuff I did, or said. I was completely passive in the whole thing. I quote other people, I tell other peoples' stories. I listen to other people and think how funny or intelligent they are. I am average. I am mediocre. I have nothing of any worth to say, and will never have anything of any worth to say. Ever.

Cowboy Bebop

Welp, half-term seems to be a week for doing no work but instead finding TV programmes online and watching all the episodes with as little a gap between them as possible. First Firefly, now Cowboy Bebop. Hot damn, but do I love anime. I just went

So, yeah... Cowboys. And Bebops. Now that I think about it, it's kinda like Firefly, in that it's set in space with the crew of a ship who pick a couple of new crewmembers, and they fly around the solar system shooting at bad guys... Okay, so it's not very much like Firefly, but it's still set in space.

Blech, school tomorrow. DO NOT WANT. Plus it's Monday, so I have free, General Studies, free, free, Maths, Maths. Not fun.

Firefly

Where have you been all my life?!

Well, okay, for quite a lot of my life you didn't exist, and then for another bit of my life I wouldn't have watched you anyway, but where have you been for the past few years?!

I've just finished watching the series in two days (days where I probably should have been studying instead. And sleeping), and it's safe to say I am now officially a Browncoat. Well, as much as someone can be who's only just watched it. It's so good! I saw Serenity a couple of years ago and had no idea it was attached to a TV show, but Firefly kept popping up around the web so I finally decided to watch it.

Why-oh-why didn't they make more? I do know the reason, but STILL. It was like this with Defying Gravity - that was an amazing show, but hardly anyone was watching it, so AXED. Heroes too, though that ran for quite a while, and admittedly it was getting very tangled and confusing towards the end.

I absolutely love all the characters, but my favourite has to be Kaylee. She's so lovely. Wash is great too. Heck, they're all great.

Anyhoo, that's my undying love declared. See y'all.

Anyone Know What The Bromine-Bleached Structural Formula Of Methyl Orange Indicator Is?

Goddamn, I hate coursework. I hate it with a passion. A passion, I tells ye!

'What are the kinetics of the reaction between bromate(V), bromide and hydrogen ions?'

How the bloody hell should I know?!

Actually, I probably should know, as I've done 100 experiments pertaining to that very question.

Now I'm trying to write up my findings so they look intelligent and meaningful, and I can say 'Well, y'see, the reaction is first order with respect to bromate(V) and bromide, but second order with respect to hydrogen, and blah blah enthalpy blah', or some such.

*headdesk*

Dream (Thursday, 8th April 2010)

Part One
I was in the pool at Tangalooma and these Japanese ladies kept coming past and asking where their dog was I can't remember his name), and we kept saying, 'He's on the jetty with [someone] and [someone].' Then John S (junior) threw some cheesy Doritos at me (in the pool) and Mum tried to give him a bowl of crisps but she dunked them in the water before she did. Then Kirra could talk in a really deep man's voice, and people kept dropping her in the pool so I had to lift her up my feet and take her out. Then I went to a hut next to the pool where a guy with a kind of weird-looking moustache-beard thing was typing on a typewriter. Then a muscly bald guy came in with a bulldog and started shouting at him, and the bulldog was trying to attack him, so he hid behind some bunkbeds/scaffolding/desks while I distracted the other guy and let him out.

Part Two
I was with two people (who changed throughout the dream), and we were tied together with some kind of string that seemed to be a cross between fishing wire and rolled-up clingfilm. We were either running away from or running to something (I think it was a bit of both). We got around in the air by going along not-really-there ziplines positioned above roads and it seemed like we just went where the wind took us. It turned out we were running away from Team Rocket, but they (Jessie, at least) were a lot less silly and a lot more nasty than usual. We got to an inn somewhere and I was in a room with one of my travelling companions while Jessie was right outside the door, wearing a giant dark red Victorian dress. I closed a little window on the door so she couldn't see us and put my hands over it, but I couldn't tell if she was looking through it or not; I could just hear her breathing. Then we went to a roon with lots of perople and we had to send a messafe, so we got a shell and filled it up with all the right kinds of rocks, drew a face on it (we had to stick on a paper nose, which I coloured in quite badly at first, but then it turned out okay), put in the message which consisted of small pieces of paper with arrows on them, then sent it and ran away.

My Odd Mind

I have strange dreams. I mean, everyone has strange dreams, but mine are really strange. They're wonderfully vivid, often have very involved plots, and I can often remember them for months after I've had them. I keep a dream diary, not so I can interpret them or anything (because doing so would probably yield some worrying results), but so I can keep from forgetting them. There have been a few that I've wanted to live in.

So, every so often, I'll post a dream I've had recently. Or not so recently, for a while. I'll put up the ones from my notebook first.

TIRED

I have had 14 hours of sleep in the last 64. I am tired. I am very tired. I am so tired I can't even go to sleep.

On Friday night I went to a sleepover at my friend's house with a bunch of other friends. We had cake and chocolate and a very nice time. After sitting in her living room for hours talking about random stuff we finally decided to go to bed, and I got to sleep at about 2am.

I had to wake up and get up at 7am for work. I was knackered, and having to run back to the house to retrieve my phone then lurching wheezily to the bus because I was terrified I was going to miss it and then having to wait another 10 minutes anyway didn't help.

So, work for 4 hours (not too bad, you might think. 4 hours is a looooonng time when all you can think about it going home and having a nap) and then home for lunch. 'A NAP!' I thought naively. Oh no. I had to ring up the stupid holiday company to ask if we could add the flaky friend to the booking (she has since ONCE AGAIN said she can't go. AGAIN).

And THEN I had to start packing for a scout camp and night hike. I couldn't find anything I needed so that took a while and some running up and down the ladder into the loft. After walking with all my stuff (including an extra sleeping bag for the same birthday girl) to the Scout Hall, I was informed we were going to be dropped off in Foxdale from where we would make our way back to Ballasalla.

It's only about 6 miles, but we were walking over South Barrule (if not a mountain, then a very big hill) in the dark, it was very windy and extremely cold, and it was so foggy we could hardly see the ground we were trying to walk on even with our headtorches. The leader made us try and find a bearing with maps and compasses, and we followed it for a while, but then gave up and just headed in the general direction we though the cairn on the top was.

Eventually, we stumbled across the path that led down the other side of South Barrule and followed it down to the road. Just before the gate, I fell down a gully into a puddle (luckily not hurting myself). After pausing for a bit on the road to eat carrot sticks, we carried on into the night.

After road-walking for a while we got to a very muddy path that would lead us back to civilisation. Quite a few times we had to gingerly grab onto barbed wire to help us down treacherous slopes, but we made it with no injuries. We walked back through Silverdale, then finally arrived at the Scout Hut, aching, muddy, and very, very cold.

We had a few lukewarm pizzas (this was now midnight), then the leader suggested we play a game of cards, and looked to everyone for ideas. No-one said anything, so I (who knows why?) suggested a game which, when played, went down like a... not very welcome thing. It got progressively more awkward when there were just two people left playing and it was clear that they both wanted to stop but it just kept going and going and everyone was bored watching it. I went to bed when they finished.

I should be used to it by now, but sleeping on the floor in just pyjamas and a sleeping bag is very uncomfortable. I got to sleep about 1am, but amazingly managed to stay that way until 7 hours later. Dressed, breakfast, awkward silences with people I don't know, then a scavenger hunt. Woo. I eventually went home at 11:45am.

I went online for a little bit, then had a BLESSED NAP which only lasted for 2 hours but was nonetheless a gift from the gods. Flobbed around the house for the rest of the day, and am now here.

My eyelids are actually drooping quite a bit after writing that, so I'm going to try and get some sleep.

Shh!

I'm updating at school. I don't know why - there's not much to update about. It's mostly just the thrill (well, hardly a thrill, but you know what I mean) of doing something I'm not supposed to. The school internet blocks pretty much everything, so it's quite a feat that I can post on here.

Anyhoo, I finished my chemistry practical work yesterday! Hurrah! Today I've been doing so much typing and drawing graphs and looking up the structure of the bleached-by-bromine form of methyl orange indicator (I can't find it anywhere. ANYWHERE.).

Hmm. I can't remember how to put pictures on so I'll try and do that:

Yay blobfish!

Right... I'm home now, so this post is a bit redundant. I'll post it anyway.

LOUD NOISES

There aren't really any loud noises around, but I wish there were. And that it was me making them. Noises like GRRRAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I'm kind of annoyed. Well, very annoyed. You know that holiday that I mentioned in my last post? Well, it took ages and a lot of pain (alot of pain? I wonder what that would look like...). Mental pain. We went from 10 people going, to 9 people, to 8, to 7, 6, 5, 6, 5, 4, 5, 4, 3, 4, 5, 6, 5, 6, 5, and we stayed on 5 just long enough to actually book the bloody thing after the last person had confirmed that she was 'deffo not going on holiday now'. It's booked. The flights to Manchester are booked. The hotel is booked. It's all paid for. FOR 5 PEOPLE. Today, she turns around and says, 'Oh! Well, my mum says I can go on holiday now. Isn't this great?' NO IT'S FUCKING NOT!!! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT WAS TO PIN PEOPLE DOWN ENOUGH IN THE FIRST PLACE TO GET THE FUCKING THING TOGETHER??? YOU TOLD US ABOUT FIVE TIMES THAT YOU COULDN'T GO, YOU FUCKING CONFIRMED IT. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK WE ARE GOING TO CHANGE THE ENTIRE THING SO YOU CAN GO??? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK WE WANT TO?? Granted, you're our friend and we'd love to go on holiday with you, but WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT SAY YOU WANTED TO GO WHEN YOU HAD THE FUCKING CHANCE AND BEFORE WE BOOKED THE FUCKING HOLIDAY????????

*breathe*

I'm sorry. I don't usually rant and swear in caps. It's just a little irritating.

An Update

Yeah, I'm not so good at the blog posting, am I? I'm not much good at keeping anything up, really.

Sooo... I suppose I should update my... *checks* ONE follower on how I'm doing, but I've just spoken to them on Twitter so that's a bit redundant. Maybe someone will happen across this and be so impressed that they tell all their friends. Unlikely, but you never know.

Anyhoo, I've done quite a lot since we last spoke, Blog. Well. It has been nearly a year. I've finished my AS levels, I'm into my A2s, I've applied for university (Southampton, East Anglia, Liverpool, Bangor and Plymouth for Oceanography/Ocean Science), I've started my Chemistry coursework, I've organised the Year 13 Christmas Panto, I've achieved my Grade 5 Jazz Piano with Merit, I've booked a holiday with some friends, I've bought a lovely but expensive dress, I've joined a forum, I've done some exercise, I've had a lot of weird dreams, I've lost  a phone and gained a new shiny one, I've eaten, I've breathed, I've slept, I've done a lot of things which aren't very exciting.

Anyhoo, that's me done. I'll probably be back soon to rant about Chemistry and French (not Maths so much, I can do Maths).

Toodlepip.