FUCK YEAH

I freaking passed my freaking grading! Fourth kyu, bitches. That's right.

Very, very strangely, I wasn't that nervous going in. Mostly just hungry! I never eat before Kempo because I'm scared that I'll work too hard and have to run out and throw it all up again, so I didn't have breakfast (and then didn't end up eating in the Crown until about 1:30pm).

Last night we all congregated at the boys' house to eat pizza (which Emma provided) and watch martial arts films. I left with way too much time to spare, so after going to the Co-Op to pick up the usual bags of Tangfastics and Minstrels I had to waste time by wandering down past Turner Sims and back up the stairs by the Union before heading towards Sirdar Road, walking slowly. Got there about 10 minutes before everyone else, and Greg, Emma and Emma's sister Nick were playing Little Big Planet. Greg tutored me for a bit with grappling and stuff, then everyone else turned up so we turned the Playstation off.

Charley, Natalie and Andy were next, then... Owen, I think, and Shaun. Well, we ended up with Urs, Gemma, Greg, Emma, Nick, Andy, me, Charley, Owen, Josh, Gus, Natalie, Shaun and Teresa. The living room was so warm with everyone in it! Very unusual.

While we were waiting for people to arrive, Urs put on Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, which was just... well. Excellent! Very funny, very absurd. Go see. After everyone got there, Urs started cooking the garlic bread and pizzas (of which there were many!), and we watched The Killing Machine, which is a Japanese movie VERY LOOSELY based on the life of Doshin So. We all enjoyed it, and of course Josh said it was the best film he had ever seen. We despair. There are so many weird little scenes in it; in one, Doshin So picks up an automatic rifle and fires it around a room yelling "SHIIIIIIIIIIT!!" when he hears that the Japanese have surrendered. In another, he gets his entire school of kenshi to chase a duck around the room. We also learned that uwa uke doesn't work against a katana! There's a scene where Doshin So is realising that "strength and love can never be separated" and comes up with the term rikiaifuni, and the camera zooms in on his eyes looking rather wide and crazy, and Teresa said that when Olly-Sensei next does the howa about rikiaifuni all we'll be able to think of is Sonny Chiba's crazy epiphany eyes.

Most people left after we saw that one, but I stayed with Owen, Teresa and Andy and we watched Drunken Master, a film with Jackie Chan which was alternately very slapstickly comical and horrifically depressing. After that we said our goodbyes and headed home. I am conflicted about this next part. Teresa and Andy were headed the other way down Sirdar Road, so Owen and I walked up alone together. I had resolved to ask him out for a drink when I had the chance, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Looking back, asking him at 12:10am, 10 hours or so before my very first grading, wouldn't have been a very good idea, especially if he'd said no. Anyway. We parted ways and I swore at myself quietly until I got home.

The grading! That's what you're here for, not my conflicted whining. I got down to the uni at about 9:25am - we were all meeting in the Union beforehand to be shuttled over to Exile Gym in various cars. I went with Olly and Min in their new shiny car with Shogo and Teresa. Shogo and I ended up being grading partners because Andy hurt his knee on Saturday and Olly decided not to put him in for grading because he wasn't ready for it.

We got to the gym all together and trooped upstairs to get changed. It's a very cool place. They have a section of mats near the front, a sort of caged-off fighting ring, then a boxing ring, a dance studio (where we had our grading), and various changing rooms along the back wall. There was also a small bar with a table-and-chairs area near the entrance. We all got together to start the session, then Sensei Peter sent the graders off to the dance studio (apart from Min and James who sat in the table-and-chairs bit to do their philosophy - I can't imagine ever getting to nidan myself!) while he carried on with the session.

The grading really wasn't as bad as I had been led to believe. We had Sensei Chris, while Sensei Russell took Teresa and Shaun for Teresa's grading. We started with some kihon, but really didn't do very much before going on to rolls and techniques. My rolls weren't too bad, surprisingly! Especially with them being on a hard floor. Dai sharin was easy, but then it always is. Yoko ukemi could have been better, but I managed to get myself up quickly, and my renhenko was pretty good. At the start Sensei Chris had us kiai-ing on every mei uchi, but Sensei Russell complained that Teresa and Shaun couldn't hear him over our noise, so he changed it to every tenth count. Result! Olly had been stressing for ages that we had to be LOUD, so I think we did that well.

There was another white belt (Paul? I think that was his name...) from Sensei Peter's club grading with me, Shogo, Josh and Gus. Josh and Gus got talking to him later, and said he was a lovely guy, but in the grading he seemed extremely awkward. He didn't kiai at all, and his techniques were pretty hesitant. According to Josh and Gus, he had had no mock gradings at all and had no idea of what to expect in the actual grading, which was quite worrying. I am now very grateful that Olly pushes us so hard!

The techniques were all fine. Because there was an odd number of us, after us four had done our techniques, Sensei Chris would get one of the boys to attack for Paul. Never me, for some reason. Not sure why. After our techniques Sensei Chris got us all round and gave us some advice on how to make them better. There was quite a lot we could have done! Yori nuki, kote nuki, gyaku gote all needed work (though not ude juji, surprisingly), as well as uwa uke geri, weirdly. Apparently we weren't getting off the centre line when we blocked.

After we'd done the end of grading formalities, we went back to the training session and tried out our techniques with the advice that Sensei Chris had given us. It must have been the most relaxed session I'd ever been to! Shogo and I were practicing our techniques, and every so often an instructor would come over and show us something we could improve on, but other than that we were left completely to our own devices. Later Emma said she and Urs spent about an hour on gyaku gote. It made me realise how regimented we are in the uni club. I think I probably prefer Olly's teaching style (though I'll be biased, I 'spect), because he makes us work a lot harder, and as a result we just seem more disciplined with our techniques. Maybe. I don't know.

After the training session, we got changed, and Emma drove me, Teresa and Min back to the uni to get a shower, because the showers in Exile Gym are apparently really not very good. After showering we made our way to the Crown, as per usual, ordered food, etc., etc.. Shogo went home straight after the grading, which was a shame, as Olly told us at the pub that we'd all passed. We left about 3:15pm, to meet again at Urs and Greg's at 7:30pm. I went home, washed my gi, and fell asleep for about an hour. I am still exhausted.

Got to the boys' house and just lazed around for 4 and a half hours. Awesomesauce. Emma, Greg, Gemma, Urs and Josh were already there when I arrived, and Gus turned up a little later; Owen later than that. We watched Kill Bill Vol. 2, for Josh, then Gus went home (to sleep!) and we watched Judge Dredd. I was falling asleep during most of the second movie.

After Judge Dredd, Owen, Josh and I skedaddled. Came home, ironed my gi, am now typing this.

I have a very impressive bruise on the underside of my right upper arm from all the ude juji we've been doing, plus a huge one on my right forearm (which is sadly fading now), one on my right wrist also from ude juji, and various ones on my left arm. My arms are also veeerrrry sore now.

Oh God.

I have resolved to ask Owen out for a drink. After the grading, though, because we'll both be less wound-up, and hopefully more relaxed means happier and more prone to optimism and saying yes to things. We shall see, I suppose. If he says no, I'm going to try and calmly request that he not start avoiding me and making things awkward, because I'd still like to be his friend, even if I can't be more than that. If he says yes, I need to steel myself and not scare him away by leaping at him/screaming/crying/falling over.

Well, shit.

Olly wants me to do my grading in two weeks. I AM TERRIFIED. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to learn all the Japanese for the kihon in that time, plus I have to do this fucking 3000-word essay on the hydrological cycle in 3 and a half weeks, plus I need to actually keep up with my notes and things. And buy a lab-coat. And probably do something else terribly important. Damn.

Kempo is kind of taking over my life a little bit. I'm not sure if I mind or not. It's mostly Owen, and my yellow belt grading. I actually had a dream where I was trying to remember the Japanese for moving forwards at a 45° angle (mae chidori ashi), then half-woke up when I did remember, thought "I need to remember that", then went back to sleep and forgot it.

I need to remember my Japanese vocab! Oh God! I am going to die! What can I remember off the top of my head?

mae - forward
ushiro/ato - backward
hidari - left
migi - right
chudan gamae - aggressive stance? Apparently just 'stance'
gassho-rei - well, rei
seiretsu - line up
sashi komi ashi - step forwards (don't change stance)
sashi kae ashi - step forwards (change stance)
zuki - punch
geri - kick
jodan - head
chudan - chest area? ish?

Okay, I need to cheat now.

kani ashi - step sideways
zen tenkan - turn 180°

I knew those! Goddamn it. Right. Getting off the computer. I need to write these down. Shit, I need to know 'back hand punch' and everything like that, too. *breaks down*

I do want to grade, I really do, and I do want to do it for myself, but there's a part of me thinking "Owen will think so much less of you if you don't grade this month, or if you fail", so I REALLY MUST DO IT! I also need to remember that I'm not actually going out with him. My mind does like to think that, and it's a dangerous thing to think.