Tuesday 22 November 2011
Monday 21 November 2011
'Sup.
So, things have been happening. Not much, but they're there.
On Saturday I went to visit Grandma, which was lovely. I ordered the tickets online (The Trainline charged a £1 booking fee so I got them straight from the South-West Trains website. Yay, savings!), and went to pick them up from the station on Friday. I made sure I asked the woman at the desk where I'd have to go, because there were engineering works on the line and half of the journey would have to be by bus. I'm terrified of catching buses to or in places I don't know. With trains they tell you which stop is coming up. Buses... *shudder*. ANYWAY. I had to get up at 06:30 to leave at 06:55 to get the bus at 07:15 to get to the station for 07:33 to get the bus to Brockenhurst at 08:02 and get there at 08:33 to get the train to Wareham at 08:50 and get there at 09:43 *slumps*. On the way back I had to get a coach from Bournemouth, but by that time I was a replacement-bus-service-pro. I had a good day, though. We sat in the living room for a couple of hours and just chatted, then went out for a pub lunch and a short walk.
I got back to the Interchange and almost straight away had to go to Kate's for our pizza-and-maths session. The driver of the bus I got on, when turning onto Portswood Road, didn't turn his wheel soon enough, and got wedged behind an ambulance which was half-parked on the pavement with its hazard lights on and no-one in it. The driver sat there and honked his horn for a while, and the bus was sticking out into the middle of the junction, so was blocking up all the cars which wanted to turn right behind it. A few cars who wanted to go down the street the bus was blocking up started honking their horns, which really didn't help. After about 10 minutes a woman from the pub on the corner came out and stood in the middle of the junction to stop the traffic so the bus driver could reverse and try again.
Finally got to Gateley, and Kate, Becca, Ross and Mat were already there. We did about 10 minutes of Maths, 15 minutes deciding how we were going to sort out the pizzas, 5 minutes trying to order them on Mat's temperamental phone, then half an hour going to collect them. Not much Maths got done, unsuprisingly. After that we went back to South Hill because Ross and Becca were going out with their flats and invited us along. Me, Kate and Mat felt hugely out of place because everyone else knew each other and were getting drunk, but we had no alcohol with us. We ended up making a little man out of bottle foil and telling stupid jokes to one another.
When we had to leave, me, Kate, Mat and Becca decided we weren't going to go to Jesters (a competitor for the Skankiest Club In Europe) so went back to Kate's and watched a movie instead. Unfortunately, Kate only has mostly horror movies, which wasn't great. We ended up watching Severance, which was supposed to be a comedy horror. It was funny in places, but that was kind of ruined by the fact that I spent most of it hugging my knees and covering my eyes and ears. I do not cope well with horror movies. Gore is usually fine, but all the stalking through the forest and chases and URGH.
Sweet thing: on the way down Glen Eyre Road, Kate, Becca and I ended up talking about boys and how none of us have ever had a boyfriend. Mat was very taken aback and formally apologised for his gender. N'awww. He's almost painfully gentlemanly sometimes.
After the movie, at about 01:30, Becca, Mat and I walked back to Highfield Halls. Me and Becca were dressed for going out, so we were freezing. It was really foggy too, which made it very eerie. We got a taxi from Highfield back to South Hill after dropping Mat off. I went on G+ for about half an hour, so went to bed at about 03:00.
I then had to get up at 09:00 for my last 3 diving lectures. Luckily they only took 3 hours this time, not like the 6 hours for 4 lectures last time. Sat next to Doug again, only we didn't have a lunch break to talk in this time... After that I came home and vegged about for a while. I was going to do my washing, but I didn't have any change. I'm not sure if I did any work. I can't remember. At 19:30 I met Becca to go down to the Union to meet Mat and Tania to see Captain America. My goodness, that film is hilarious. Ahhh.
Not much happened today. Went to Maths (on the way I asked Kathryn if she wanted to live with me and Kate next year [we decided we were going to live together on Saturday] and she said yes), went to the Café, went to the tutorial, went home, did Maths. In the Café I was talking quietly with Kate about whether we should ask Mat if he wants to live with us, because he'd been saying that he has no idea what he's doing next year, and she said she didn't know if he'd want to and it might be a bit weird. I did agree with her, but I'm not entirely sure why. Ah well. She's asked two geologists, Ed (who I don't know) and Lizzie (who I kind of know), too. Lizzie said yes, Ed is a maybe. We shall see!
Had a lovely Kempo session today. Very relaxed, mostly just focusing on stretching and flexibility. For the last 15 minutes we gave each other special Kempo massages, and a few times people poked their heads in the door and looked at us strangely. Went to the pub afterwards and got given little tasters of this delicious cider - Rekorderlig Winter Cider. I got a bottle. I may have to buy it regularly from now on.
On Saturday I went to visit Grandma, which was lovely. I ordered the tickets online (The Trainline charged a £1 booking fee so I got them straight from the South-West Trains website. Yay, savings!), and went to pick them up from the station on Friday. I made sure I asked the woman at the desk where I'd have to go, because there were engineering works on the line and half of the journey would have to be by bus. I'm terrified of catching buses to or in places I don't know. With trains they tell you which stop is coming up. Buses... *shudder*. ANYWAY. I had to get up at 06:30 to leave at 06:55 to get the bus at 07:15 to get to the station for 07:33 to get the bus to Brockenhurst at 08:02 and get there at 08:33 to get the train to Wareham at 08:50 and get there at 09:43 *slumps*. On the way back I had to get a coach from Bournemouth, but by that time I was a replacement-bus-service-pro. I had a good day, though. We sat in the living room for a couple of hours and just chatted, then went out for a pub lunch and a short walk.
I got back to the Interchange and almost straight away had to go to Kate's for our pizza-and-maths session. The driver of the bus I got on, when turning onto Portswood Road, didn't turn his wheel soon enough, and got wedged behind an ambulance which was half-parked on the pavement with its hazard lights on and no-one in it. The driver sat there and honked his horn for a while, and the bus was sticking out into the middle of the junction, so was blocking up all the cars which wanted to turn right behind it. A few cars who wanted to go down the street the bus was blocking up started honking their horns, which really didn't help. After about 10 minutes a woman from the pub on the corner came out and stood in the middle of the junction to stop the traffic so the bus driver could reverse and try again.
Finally got to Gateley, and Kate, Becca, Ross and Mat were already there. We did about 10 minutes of Maths, 15 minutes deciding how we were going to sort out the pizzas, 5 minutes trying to order them on Mat's temperamental phone, then half an hour going to collect them. Not much Maths got done, unsuprisingly. After that we went back to South Hill because Ross and Becca were going out with their flats and invited us along. Me, Kate and Mat felt hugely out of place because everyone else knew each other and were getting drunk, but we had no alcohol with us. We ended up making a little man out of bottle foil and telling stupid jokes to one another.
When we had to leave, me, Kate, Mat and Becca decided we weren't going to go to Jesters (a competitor for the Skankiest Club In Europe) so went back to Kate's and watched a movie instead. Unfortunately, Kate only has mostly horror movies, which wasn't great. We ended up watching Severance, which was supposed to be a comedy horror. It was funny in places, but that was kind of ruined by the fact that I spent most of it hugging my knees and covering my eyes and ears. I do not cope well with horror movies. Gore is usually fine, but all the stalking through the forest and chases and URGH.
Sweet thing: on the way down Glen Eyre Road, Kate, Becca and I ended up talking about boys and how none of us have ever had a boyfriend. Mat was very taken aback and formally apologised for his gender. N'awww. He's almost painfully gentlemanly sometimes.
After the movie, at about 01:30, Becca, Mat and I walked back to Highfield Halls. Me and Becca were dressed for going out, so we were freezing. It was really foggy too, which made it very eerie. We got a taxi from Highfield back to South Hill after dropping Mat off. I went on G+ for about half an hour, so went to bed at about 03:00.
I then had to get up at 09:00 for my last 3 diving lectures. Luckily they only took 3 hours this time, not like the 6 hours for 4 lectures last time. Sat next to Doug again, only we didn't have a lunch break to talk in this time... After that I came home and vegged about for a while. I was going to do my washing, but I didn't have any change. I'm not sure if I did any work. I can't remember. At 19:30 I met Becca to go down to the Union to meet Mat and Tania to see Captain America. My goodness, that film is hilarious. Ahhh.
Not much happened today. Went to Maths (on the way I asked Kathryn if she wanted to live with me and Kate next year [we decided we were going to live together on Saturday] and she said yes), went to the Café, went to the tutorial, went home, did Maths. In the Café I was talking quietly with Kate about whether we should ask Mat if he wants to live with us, because he'd been saying that he has no idea what he's doing next year, and she said she didn't know if he'd want to and it might be a bit weird. I did agree with her, but I'm not entirely sure why. Ah well. She's asked two geologists, Ed (who I don't know) and Lizzie (who I kind of know), too. Lizzie said yes, Ed is a maybe. We shall see!
Had a lovely Kempo session today. Very relaxed, mostly just focusing on stretching and flexibility. For the last 15 minutes we gave each other special Kempo massages, and a few times people poked their heads in the door and looked at us strangely. Went to the pub afterwards and got given little tasters of this delicious cider - Rekorderlig Winter Cider. I got a bottle. I may have to buy it regularly from now on.
Sunday 13 November 2011
A good and bad weekend
Saturday was really good. I got up at noon, and spent the day cleaning my room and finishing my presentation. I had the window, curtains and door open, and felt very alert. At 5:30pm I met Kate, Rob and Christina and we went over to Ross's flat to do Maths with him and Becca. We went through the worksheet (in for tomorrow) and made sure all our answers were the same, and we all knew how each other had got there. It was really useful, and we all explained things to people if they didn't get them.
Today was less good. I went to Kempo, but I didn't get up soon enough to have breakfast so I just had a packet of Hula Hoops (which was NOT a good idea). I had to sit out twice, feeling ill, and the second time I was actually sick. I had to run out to find a bin. Emma came with me and was very sympathetic, but it was so embarrassing. I'm the only one who has to sit out for a bit at least once every session because they're so unfit. On the upside, Frida and I made a very good two-technique combination to show to everyone, and the last hour in the judo room was fun, but then I had to come home instead of go to The Crown and work on the stupid library orientation programme (which didn't make much sense). Skyped with Mum and Dad, which was nice. Did the washing. Ate ravioli. Went to choir. We were doing carols, which were great, but I won't be able to sing the descants because I think SUSingers are of the opinion that only sopranos can do the descants. Ah well. There's always Midnight Mass.
Today was less good. I went to Kempo, but I didn't get up soon enough to have breakfast so I just had a packet of Hula Hoops (which was NOT a good idea). I had to sit out twice, feeling ill, and the second time I was actually sick. I had to run out to find a bin. Emma came with me and was very sympathetic, but it was so embarrassing. I'm the only one who has to sit out for a bit at least once every session because they're so unfit. On the upside, Frida and I made a very good two-technique combination to show to everyone, and the last hour in the judo room was fun, but then I had to come home instead of go to The Crown and work on the stupid library orientation programme (which didn't make much sense). Skyped with Mum and Dad, which was nice. Did the washing. Ate ravioli. Went to choir. We were doing carols, which were great, but I won't be able to sing the descants because I think SUSingers are of the opinion that only sopranos can do the descants. Ah well. There's always Midnight Mass.
Tuesday 8 November 2011
Finally!
Just to start off, I will let any readers know that I'm feeling a lot better:
I'm feeling a lot better.
ANYWAY, we finally started our diving lectures on Saturday. The training packs were £32 and contain The Diving Manual, our course notes, our qualification record, and various VERY IMPORTANT pieces of paper. I got to the building 20 minutes before it was supposed to start (I got bored hanging around in my room), and couldn't get in. Denise arrived on her bike and told me that all the university buildings are locked at the weekend so no-one other than the security guys can get in, but she said it like I should have already known this for my whole life (An exaggeration? Perhaps.), so that made me feel quite stupid. She went off to get the training packs from SUSU, so I stayed upstairs to let people in.
Twelve people turned up, so we went down to the lecture theatre, which was locked. Typical. We waited outside for a security person to come and unlock it for us, and while we waited, Steve Pooley, who was doing our lectures, went through our training packs with us - stressing that the VERY IMPORTANT pieces of paper were VERY IMPORTANT. We eventually were let in to the L/T. I sat next to Doug for the duration, which was lovely. I rather like him.
The lectures were very interesting, and quite straightforward, but they were SO LONG. We started at 10am and finished at 4pm. Steve brought in all the kit so we could have a look at it, and he made us go through each piece of equipment and tell him as much as we could about it. He also got us to test the oxygen content of a Nitrox cylinder.
After that, I raced home, grabbed my popcorn, and went to Kathryn's! We spent 8 hours watching Supernatural, which was awesome. We both agreed that Jensen Ackles is rather nice... We got a curry from a takeaway, but had to walk a while to meet the delivery guy because he couldn't find Glen Eyre! We ordered online, and saw a king prawn tikka massala for £98.50.
On Sunday I just could not get out of bed, so I missed Kempo. I spent the day trying to work and doing my washing and speaking to Mum and Dad and other various things. Choir was good, apart from the fact that we're singing The Lamb, which is the worst choral song EVER. I hate it with the burning passion of a thousand fiery suns.
Yesterday was mostly fine. I got quite a bit done on my presentation, which was good. I went to Kempo to make up for not going on Sunday, and got horribly frustrated with myself because there is one technique, gyaku gote, that I just CANNOT GET, no matter how many times the seniors show me how to do it or how many times I have a go at doing it myself. Min and Charley were very sympathetic, but it was one of those frustrations that makes you tear up a little bit at how frustrating it is. Emma said this particular technique has made her cry from frustration before.
Today was wonderful. Between Maths and Chemistry me, Kate, Becca, Christina, Ross, Rob and Matt went to Kate's flat for an hour and a half. I had so much fun. I did feel bad about Kathryn not feeling like she could come with us, but to be honest I've been getting a tiny bit annoyed with the fact that she doesn't try to speak to people. Ah well.
I'm speaking to my tutor tomorrow about changing course. I went to Student Services yesterday, to ask about the procedure and how best to approach my tutor, and they were singularly unhelpful. I need to make sure that he understands it's because I feel the French is taking over my whole course, and I really want to focus on the Oceanography; not just that I hate the French.
I'm feeling a lot better.
ANYWAY, we finally started our diving lectures on Saturday. The training packs were £32 and contain The Diving Manual, our course notes, our qualification record, and various VERY IMPORTANT pieces of paper. I got to the building 20 minutes before it was supposed to start (I got bored hanging around in my room), and couldn't get in. Denise arrived on her bike and told me that all the university buildings are locked at the weekend so no-one other than the security guys can get in, but she said it like I should have already known this for my whole life (An exaggeration? Perhaps.), so that made me feel quite stupid. She went off to get the training packs from SUSU, so I stayed upstairs to let people in.
Twelve people turned up, so we went down to the lecture theatre, which was locked. Typical. We waited outside for a security person to come and unlock it for us, and while we waited, Steve Pooley, who was doing our lectures, went through our training packs with us - stressing that the VERY IMPORTANT pieces of paper were VERY IMPORTANT. We eventually were let in to the L/T. I sat next to Doug for the duration, which was lovely. I rather like him.
The lectures were very interesting, and quite straightforward, but they were SO LONG. We started at 10am and finished at 4pm. Steve brought in all the kit so we could have a look at it, and he made us go through each piece of equipment and tell him as much as we could about it. He also got us to test the oxygen content of a Nitrox cylinder.
After that, I raced home, grabbed my popcorn, and went to Kathryn's! We spent 8 hours watching Supernatural, which was awesome. We both agreed that Jensen Ackles is rather nice... We got a curry from a takeaway, but had to walk a while to meet the delivery guy because he couldn't find Glen Eyre! We ordered online, and saw a king prawn tikka massala for £98.50.
On Sunday I just could not get out of bed, so I missed Kempo. I spent the day trying to work and doing my washing and speaking to Mum and Dad and other various things. Choir was good, apart from the fact that we're singing The Lamb, which is the worst choral song EVER. I hate it with the burning passion of a thousand fiery suns.
Yesterday was mostly fine. I got quite a bit done on my presentation, which was good. I went to Kempo to make up for not going on Sunday, and got horribly frustrated with myself because there is one technique, gyaku gote, that I just CANNOT GET, no matter how many times the seniors show me how to do it or how many times I have a go at doing it myself. Min and Charley were very sympathetic, but it was one of those frustrations that makes you tear up a little bit at how frustrating it is. Emma said this particular technique has made her cry from frustration before.
Today was wonderful. Between Maths and Chemistry me, Kate, Becca, Christina, Ross, Rob and Matt went to Kate's flat for an hour and a half. I had so much fun. I did feel bad about Kathryn not feeling like she could come with us, but to be honest I've been getting a tiny bit annoyed with the fact that she doesn't try to speak to people. Ah well.
I'm speaking to my tutor tomorrow about changing course. I went to Student Services yesterday, to ask about the procedure and how best to approach my tutor, and they were singularly unhelpful. I need to make sure that he understands it's because I feel the French is taking over my whole course, and I really want to focus on the Oceanography; not just that I hate the French.
Thursday 3 November 2011
Good ol' Blogger
Hardly anyone reads this, so I can write about what I want. I never feel like I can talk/post/whatever about feeling sad or lonely or anything anywhere, even the forum. Everyone else does, but I always feel like I'm being annoying and everyone is reading it and thinking, "Why the hell is she posting that, it's so stupid!" Facebook's a no-no because I don't particularly like most of the people on there and don't really want to tell them how I'm feeling. Twitter is also a no-no, because people won't reply and then I'll feel even worse. The forum is generally a no-no, because I am incredibly conscious of whining too much and being irritating, despite the fact that people post that they're feeling sad all the time. When I do post and no-one responds that makes it even worse. And then I worry that I was being annoying by expecting people to respond. I don't feel I can write about being sad because I'm lonely and I want a boyfriend because the things other people are going through are so much more important. I'm not entirely sure I have anyone who I would talk to frankly and honestly. And even now, on my blog which no-one reads, I feel like I'm being annoying by worrying that I'm being annoying. And now I've made myself cry. Fuck. I've been fine for a month. ETA: Yup, it's definitely one of those "throw myself under a bus and see who's sad about it" moments. I say 'moment'. I think about that all the time. ETA2: I'm in the middle of a sneaky hate spiral, except everything that is annoying me is to do with myself, and I don't think it'll ever explode. Ha! I almost deleted that because I thought people will come along and think "This is nothing like a sneaky hate spiral, you stupid, ignorant, worthless piece of garbage" and be annoyed by it. Why do I do this to myself? ETA3: I've lost count of the dozens upon dozens of times I've typed out a post and then deleted the whole thing because I think people will hate me for it, even if it's something small and silly. Then I see other people posting the same kind of thing and getting a positive reaction and I think that even though we had the same thought my post would have been reviled where yours was applauded. I apologise, Reader. If there's anyone reading this. I bet you're annoyed, whoever you are. Annoyed by this pathetic little self-pitying whine worrying about being annoying. I hate myself so much. I bet that's annoyed you too. And that. I'm not even going to type out what I was just thinking. Fuck. FUCK. ETA4: I will not fucking cry. I have to be out of here in 5 minutes to go to Chemistry. And, of course, I don't want people to know how stupid and worthless I'm feeling. How stupid and worthless I am.
Wednesday 2 November 2011
Not a great day
I resolved today that I would go to the library and blast through all the work I have to do. I took my laptop with me so I could actually start this friggin' presentation and do this week's library orientation task and my French work, but I FORGOT THE FUCKING CHARGER. My laptop battery is awful and doesn't last long enough to do anything worthwhile. That was incredibly irritating. Then I was feeling generally horrible and like the world is conspiring against me. Then I went to get chocolate and it was raining. It rained the whole time I was walking home. After I got home, I was momentarily cheered by finally finding a topic for my presentation, but now I feel like no-one can see me. Hopefully 4 hours of anime will cheer me up.
I sent a letter to Charlotte yesterday which included a very long self-pitying rant about how no boy will ever find me attractive or want to spend time with me. That didn't particularly help, but oh well. I don't tell people that, generally, and she'd been complaining about Callum (with good reason, though), so I just thought, "Fuck it, I want to complain about boys. I never get that chance."
I sent a letter to Charlotte yesterday which included a very long self-pitying rant about how no boy will ever find me attractive or want to spend time with me. That didn't particularly help, but oh well. I don't tell people that, generally, and she'd been complaining about Callum (with good reason, though), so I just thought, "Fuck it, I want to complain about boys. I never get that chance."
Tuesday 1 November 2011
Goodness.
I'm in one of those "nobody will ever love me because I'm fat and ugly and annoying and never say the right thing and always come off as an irritation that people are glad to see the back of" moods. It's mostly about boys and never-going-to-get-a-boyfriend-ever. Guh. Whine whine whinge moan.
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